5 Things Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do

Emotionally Strong PeopleEmotionally strong people know that in order to stay strong they most continue to grow and progress in all areas of life: mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. They know that strong is often the only option and they will prevail through all of life’s setbacks. Emotionally strong people understand that forgiveness part of moving forward.

But what are emotionally strong people intentionally NOT doing? We can continue to add fresh perspectives to our life philosophy, work on implementing new and productive habits and challenge ourselves on new levels but we should simultaneously be eliminating behaviors that make us weak or drag us down.

Here are some things that emotionally strong people don’t do: Read More →

Dealing with Tough Times Part 4: Have Faith

faith

When we face a difficult time, our primary goal should be peace of mind and then, to find a happy resolution to our problem. Believing in the power of the Infinite Intelligence, really makes a difference. What really matters is how much faith you have in the resolution of your problems.

Even if I’m not into a very specific belief, I believe in the power of the Universe and in the power of Energy and having a good chat with that Infinite Power, often helps a lot.

I love when I can have a little time for myself and be able to literally “talk” to the Infinite Power. Read More →

Free From Criticisms

criticisms

Criticism and compliment are there on daily basis. Unfortunately, we can’t avoid being criticized, everyone is free to express his opinion and some people are even used to be rude and sarcastic, so the only way out is to learn to handle it and become more assertive.

Our attitude to criticism is influenced by our experiences as a child: my father is hypercritical and I had to learn to cope with that. This became for me a huge lesson: taking other people’s opinion too seriously can damage our self-esteem and create a lot of stress.

What’s really important, in my own opinion, is not what others think of ourselves but how much we are still and at peace with our own choices. What happens when you’re absolutely certain that what you’re doing is right? You don’t care what others think, right?

So, the key, should be to become so confident in ourselves, in our abilities and in our choices, that critics become just a little mosquito flying in front of us. Read More →

How to be productive when your brain refuses to collaborate

productive

This week helped me to understand how to be more productive despite negativity. It’s been a tough week not only because of the death of my aunt , but also because another relative of mine had a car accident (thank God she’s ok) and I’ve been hospitalize for an allergic reaction due to hair dye.

I looked an alien, my face was swollen and I when I got to the hospital I began having problems also in my throat. They immediately injected me steroids and antihistamines. Now, two days later, I’m still swollen on the left side, especially near the eye, and I’m taking antihistamines. Let’s say that I’ve had a difficult week.

I’ve never had an allergic reaction to any hair dye, so I recommend everyone to always do the skin test before you dye your hair to avoid ending up at the hospital. It’s really a bad experience. If the allergic reaction is not treated, you risk anaphylactic shock, so please always do the skin test. In the coming days I will book an appointment with a dermatologist and have a more detailed and accurate picture of how to handle the situation (I’ll do some tests and figure out what type of hair dye I can use).

Despite all this, there were some lessons to learn from this experience.

The first is of course is to do not take anything for granted. Even recommendations about hair dye.

Secondly I figured out how to be productive despite my brain refused to collaborate with me.

When we find ourselves in a situation of psychological and physical stress, discomfort and mental disorganization, we usually end up with nothing. Even if we have a lot of things to do, our mind is just too busy with negativity or shocked. In those cases, our brain takes a walk outside and finding solutions seems impossible.

Here’s some things I did to tidy up my mind.

1. Tidy up

One of the things that I felt the need to do immediately was to tidy up everything. It might seem strange, but it works. Especially if your brain took a vacation. Tidy up the house from the bottom to the top, get rid of clutter, throw away clothes that you no longer use, make room for new things, organize your desk, find a specific place for everything. It works, especially if accompanied by music with a fast beat. You don’t need to think, you just have to do it. If your brain doesn’t seem to collaborate, just take actions that don’t require his collaboration but that can improve your self-image. It sharpens your mind. And everyone knows what is the wonderful feeling one gets after throwing old stuff .

2. Fix situations

Another thing I did was to fix situations and docs. I had some payments to do, cancel a contract and fix some bureaucratic stuff with my former internet connection. Just like I did with old clothes, I removed those anxieties from my mind just doing what I had to do. Why procrastinating if you keep on having the constant though that you have to do make that phone call or pay a bill? Just do it and forget about it. They are an unnecessary weight in mind that only cause chaos. Once removed, clarity reappears.

3. Update your short-time goals

Another thing I did was update my goals. I hadn’t the chance to write on the blog, so I took pen and paper and wrote exactly what I wanted in the near future. The list includes various areas of my life, but those are goals that can be implemented over the next 14/30 days. The result is near and motivation is born again.

4. Pretend to have an inflexible boss near

Your boss does not want to know how you feel and what your negative emotions are. Your boss just wants the work to be done for yesterday. So even though I felt demotivated, I simply did what I had to do. And after doing it, I was more than satisfied, motivated and committed to take further actions and feel the momentum. I would not have achieved anything just by lying in bed depressed thinking about how horrible I looked.

The secret is to perform a series of small victories that add up with each other. Then your motivation slowly comes back and the self-image of a competent person reappears. Maybe if you’re overwhelmed by negativity, you’re unable to achieve big goals, so focus on small victories and you’ll win again.

The mere fact of tiding up or rearranging documents, may inspire you to have a more positive image of yourself, plus it helps to avoid thinking about the negative events that happened .

One thing I’ve noticed is that when we are bombarded daily with negativity, own our mood and our energy changes and the actions that we perform are a mirror of the energy that we have inside in that particular moment.

And then if you’re negative, more negative things will happen. So change your vibration, avoid thinking about this stuff, put on some music, tidy up, rearrange your life, get rid of everything you have to get rid of and find clarity.

I am usually a proactive and positive person, but a series of bad news can have an effect on us, it is normal. The important thing is to restore your balance and get back your positivity and good mood. Use what you have and do what you can do at that moment. You might have a broken leg , but this can not stop you from picking up a book and start reading , or watching a seminar on a dvd or reading blogs that can help you to don’t feel alone and get your momentum again.

Just keep going. Life is a continuous challenge but it’s also a game to play isn’t it?

 

The Sunrise of Life: living in a constant state of well-being

sunrise

Everything has a cause. The light make seeds grows, a word of hatred may give birth to war, if I cut myself with a knife I start to bleed if I jump from the 20th floor, I die . There is always a cause and a consequence and if there is a cause for pain, there is a cause for joy. If there is a cause for the endless hatred, there must be a cause for eternal love. And if there is a cause for deep sadness, there must be a cause for well-being and happiness.

Our mind guides our choices. Our mind due to mental projections and thoughts of anxiety, fear, jealousy, make us worry for the future and make us suffer because of attachments. Our mind is very subjective: what we consider good for us can be bad in someone else’s opinion, what for us is an enemy may be a beloved family man to someone else. The classification of events and people, aspects, behavioral patterns, rules and cultural habits and social differences, are all mental structures. Everything is essentially subjective.

Even the self-esteem that comes only from external awards and prizes is subjective: everything can change, the gap between our aspirations and reality can be very big and in this case, can bring pain.

True and genuine self-esteem starts from the certainty of knowing that human beings, in one way or another, can always flourish and find a solution, being aware that whatever happens we can deal with it, and knowing that a basic inner strength drives us to find a solution. Real inner confidence is when we are aware that anything happens, we are able deal with, in one way or another.

The mind is constantly changing and it is influenced by all kinds of thoughts, from jealousy, to hatred, to anxiety, and the mind itself will never give us inner peace. It is in the absence of these thoughts and finding our inner center that we can find happiness, well-being and inner-strength. In this state of well-being, we become independent of any external situation. But living in this state is a skill that can be learned.

Our thoughts can change our behavior “thoughts become things” but our own thoughts can give us a completely subjective interpretation of what we have around us and transform our lives into a living hell. The simplest example that comes to my mind is the one of the anorexic girl: although she is obviously sick and too skinny and her body is skin and bones, continues to look think of herself as a fat girl. Similarly, a jealous man can see betrayal in any behavior or a pessimist can also see malice in the purest generosity and willingness to help.

If we compare our economic state to the poorest people we feel better and lucky, if we compare it to millionaire’s life, we feel worse. How’s that possible? Two seconds ago we felt rich and lucky compared to poor people. Now all of a sudden we are a nullity if we compare ourselves to Bill Gates?

Mind plays with us and has no stability. Our thoughts are the filter and to find the peace we should have not filter: observing reality in an objective way by living in the present moment is the only way to enjoy our life and be happy for no reason.

Our control over external events is temporarily, out of control and illusory . We need to develop a kind of tranquility that is permanent: wind can shake the surface of our sea and that can make us feel sad, but the deep serenity that comes from a state of inner peace is always there, it’s the depths of the ocean, it’s present and never goes away.

We can also try to monitor, analyze, understand every single thought , but the truth is that thoughts , positive or negative they may be, are always influenced and manipulated by the external environment, so controlling and analyzing them one by one can be a waste of time.

We can see them emerge, see what causes them, understand why we feel sad or anxious or depressed, but happiness is experiences when we live in the present moment, now and here, in the absence of thoughts. That’s when our essence manifests, that is when we experience real consciousness and awareness. It is this awareness, free from influences, that gives us well-being, in any situation.

Everything in the world is constantly changing , even our thoughts, personality, beliefs . The only thing that remains stable is our awareness, our essence, which is our true being, free from any form of manipulation . It is only in this state of inner peace that we can be happy and serene.

Try to stay in a state of constant awareness , alert and mindful, all the time. Meditation is the best way to do that, you only need to practice. I am a beginner as well. I have so much to learn but when I live in the here and now, I can say that I’m happy to be alive.

Yesterday I was on a plane to Milan. I spent the weekend in Edinburgh and visiting the Rosslyn Chapel, famous for the Da Vinci Code, and for its symbolism.

Although I loved the city and I was very happy to have visited the chapel, I could not stop to notice how being in a different country was no more of major interest. I used to be very fascinated by travels, but this time I often found myself in contemplation. I decided to spend this weekend completely away from everything (no Facebook and no cell phone), just trying to figure out in which direction my life is going and to understand the purpose of my life.

If I compare it to that of my friends, I am very lucky: I get the chance to read a lot, do researches, travel without having to beg for a day off to my boss and I have many friends and family members that loves me. My life is certainly blessed.

Despite this, my doubts about the purpose of my life haunted me. In front of the St John Cathedral, however, I decided one thing: overthinking hurts. 😉 I may look extrovert in my life because I have the tendency to put others at ease and do everything to make them feel good, but I’m basically an introvert and a person who spends hours reading, thinking, researching.

Some time ago I wrote an article according to which happiness is also about having goals: that article was missing a key point. I asked one of my best friends which is, according to him, the purpose of life: he thinks everyone has a purpose , everyone follows their own passions as a goal and that becomes its purpose. There are those who want to be a doctor, a scientist, others who want travel the world and others to help people. But my question is: in this path, where is joy and eternal inner peace?

Some time ago I was convinced that my purpose in life was to learn. I thought I was born with the sole purpose to grow, learn and flourish. I wanted to learn everything about. But this is impossible. And it’s also terribly boring. Mental fatigue, devoting yourself to 12 hours of intellectualism, in the long run can lead to lack of joy and extreme boredom. Mere intellectualism does not make me feel good: it often leads to headaches, overthinking, considering too many points of view and to be too focused only on myself.

Then I discovered volunteering: you feel useful, you help others, make them feel good and it makes you feel so good that I have no words to describe it.

But volunteering can soak you up tremendously, making you forget about yourself. I do not think I could volunteer every day for years. I am convinced that it’s good to help others, but it is also necessary to take care of yourself and think about your emotional health. Volunteering should be taken in small doses, and that’s why volunteering missionaries go on war zones for limited periods of time. Enduring the suffering of other creatures involves a great psychological strength.

So I realized that what makes me feel better is the inner peace, mixed with fun and humor.

Laughing, having a calm mind, be detached from events, having goals but do not being obsessed with them, to me it’s the best way to face life.

I love to laugh and I think that every long lasting relationship include great laughs in it. Being free to enjoy life, being calm, being happy just for the fact of being alive, I think it’s the best satisfaction.

When you have water to drink, food in the fridge, people who loves you, and a warm bed to sleep in, what do you want more? Making comparisons is to suffer, millions of thoughts is to suffer , struggling to get to a mirage is to suffer .

Living in the present, being grateful for little things like the relaxing sound of rain or for the fast internet wi-fi that allows us to be in contact with the world.

Having a mother and a father, having friends to laugh with, having people who smiles back at you, sharing life and simply enjoying it.

We do not need designer handbags, jewelry, status symbol or millions of dollars. If we love what surrounds us, we do not need anything else.

Similarly when we face difficult times, it is this inner peace that must flourish. Pain is inevitable, but losing our minds is one thing, keeping a serene mind is another. When my grandfather died, I suffered terribly , but a certain serenity surrounded me: death is part of life and is just avoiding attachments that we can find peace.

What is the purpose in making 10 million dollars a year, if you suffered for 365 days? It makes no sense. The journey is important as well. Living a fulfilling life is important, and that does not mean traveling like crazy and partying every night. Living life in its fullness means to fully live in the present, enjoying every moment and living in the here and now, in a state of full consciousness and well-being.

While I was on the plane, seeing the landscape below and all these little beings called men, made me laugh a bit. We are millions, each with its own history , issues, culture and in our mind the world revolves around us. In our mind we are the center of our world. We are only a tiny percentage of all that is the Earth . We’re just ants, viewed from above . We think that we are king and queens, but viewed from above we are just many little creatures who inhabit this earth, like every other species (the only difference is that we apparently have the supremacy .)

So when we face problems, losses, difficult situations that are predominantly only in our mind, try to look at yourselves from a plane. You know what’s the view? At first everything has a standard vision , then everything gets smaller , until you see human beings as small as ants. Then even cars look like ants and soon we are immersed in the clouds, completely distant and detached from what once looked so near.

A hypnotic technique widely used is to see our situation from an outside perspective. It usually tells the patient to be look at himself from the outside, like a stranger would. Some suggest to see the situation you’re in like a mute movie in black and white. Some suggest to look at the situation from a third, fourth point of view, to be completely detached from it and have a completely rational point of view. This whole process is usually applied to a specific problem: using kinesthetic, auditory and visual modalities in a smart way, you have an objective point of view of a complete stranger.

My question is: instead of applying this technique to every problem, why don’t we just live in the present moment , in the here and now , enjoying life, serenity and well-being that this state of perpetual awareness and consciousness and inner peace can give us?

We need to take control of our lives even when we are focused towards a goal: if we want something , we can not panic , be overwhelmed by emotions and lose control. If you want to pursue a goal you gotta have stability , determination and above all not be influenced by any external event. The practice of mindfulness, living in the present moment , it is also important in a more materialistic point of view.

Every time we learn something and practice, neuronal connections are strengthen. When we learn to drive a car, at the beginning we need to pay attention to how you drive and to every action we make. After a while all this becomes automatic. Even for habits and behavioral changes is the same process and the same process also works for the development of awareness, peace , love, compassion and inner peace. If we walk the same path of awareness every day, soon we will become aware naturally and live in the present moment naturally. If every time we want to scream at somebody, we stop this habit, thought and emotion and stop reacting the instant in which it occurs, and instead we give space to another emotion, such as patience and kindness, soon the new neuronal path of patience becomes stronger and stronger , and that anger weaker and weaker, leaving nothing else but a powerless little thought that flies our mind.

Living consciously in a state of constant awareness is possible and therefore it is also possible to be able to develop constant serenity.

Speaking from a wider point of view, renouncing to bad feelings is only good for us. Bad emotions make us feel sick and corrode our mind. Why spending hours or lose minutes of our lives with something that hurts us?

We need to develop positive emotions, which are the ones that give us comfort and happiness. Just as certain emotions harm us, we should make sure to take the time we need to develop positive emotions that make us feel good, like joy, happiness and love .

The only way to be constantly happy is to live free of attachments, in a state of high consciousness and cultivate emotions like joy, kindness and love. The only way to do this is to maintain a high level of awareness and living in the here and now.